Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
