So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
