After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
