After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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