Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
