I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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