What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
