thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
