how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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