I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
