I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
