now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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