I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize