I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
