OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Randomize
