Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
