he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I need a burrito and a hug.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
