i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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