i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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