Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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