sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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