My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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