im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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