I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
