I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
