I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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