stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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