i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
