I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
