There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
