what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
