I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
