dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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