i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
