She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
