I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize