I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
