it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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