can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
