i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
