I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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