Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
