Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
