Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
