where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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