I can't watch pbs sober anymore
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
