fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
