my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
