mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
