Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
