Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
