There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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