We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
