i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
