foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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