If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
