it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
