**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize