Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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