Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
