There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
