Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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