so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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