Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize