I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
