i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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