How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
