Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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