I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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